Sunday, March 8, 2015

Sleep Optional...

I don't know how this kid does it - survive off limited and broken sleep.  We've gone through many stages of sleep with Lyla (like most parents) she was an amazing sleeper as a baby, thanks to co-sleeping, but as she got older her sleep became worse and bedtime was a nightmare, to say the least, and Lyla always ended up in our bed because it was just easier, and it meant everyone got a good nights sleep.  So just before Lyla's 2nd birthday we moved back to our house and transitioned her to her own bed in her own room (prior to this we were living in 1 bedroom at Dan's parent's house).  At least Dan could get some sleep, seeing as he was the one getting up for work at the crack of dawn.  For a while she was ok, then she was becoming worse and worse and I was back and forth all night with Lyla trying to settle her, reposition her, feed her, just work out what was wrong and why my child was waking 10++ times a night, that's if I could get her to fall asleep in the first place.  Turned out it was more than likely due to her very severe central sleep apnoea that was causing her to have very limited sleep, so when Lyla started using the BiPAP machine last May, it was like we had a new child.  It wasn't a fight to get her to fall asleep, once I put her to bed she would stay asleep, she would sleep all night (!!) and she woke up in the morning bright and chirpy.  This lasted a number of months before things slowly regressed back to the point where as of a few months ago it was (and still is) as bad as it was before we started the BiPAP.

6 times I was up last night just between 3:30-4:45am, plus the multiple times I was up before this.  Every single time Lyla went back to "sleep" I would sneak away get comfy in bed and close my eyes and before I knew it she would start grunting and groaning, which increases in volume, then quickly turning into hysterical crying if I'm not there in time, all while going up what feels like 10° in temperature as she starts sweating like she's in the middle of the desert.  A couple of times I didn't even get out of the room before the moaning began, she obviously sleeps with one ear open as she could clearly hear my breath get quieter as I tried to sneak away.  It's the same every night.  Sometimes she somewhat wakes up and will grind her teeth for hours at a time, of course while grunting and groaning just so she can be sure I can hear her and won't sleep.

I'm exhausted and frustrated.  Each trip I navigate the hallway, I don't even bother opening my eyes, mainly so I can get a few seconds of extra 'sleep', but I also don't have the energy to.  I know exactly how many steps I need to take to avoid walking into the turn in the hallway, Dan's soccer bag, the hall table, the door frames, I also manage to escape Dan's obstacle course he makes for me each night along my side of the bed with his shoes and work clothes.  I find myself falling asleep while sitting up in Lyla's cot, or kneeling on the floor, or even just curled up in her cot with her.  But yet, despite the very limited deep sleep Lyla would actually be getting, if any at all, she's still functioning like she's getting 12 hours of solid blissful sleep, not like she was without the BiPAP where she would struggle to stay awake.  She has NO naps during the day and generally doesn't fall asleep until around 10-11pm at night.  Yet here I am with my eyes bugging out of my head, needing to have a lay down at any chance I can get, even this morning after giving up on the millionth trip back to her room I brought Lyla into our bed and soon enough she was wide awake ready to start the day "mmm mmm mmm-ing" in my ear trying to wake me up, when that didn't work she decided an hour of coughing her lungs up would be a better chance.

I'm really excited to add a newborn to the mix.  Who needs sleep, right?

1 comment:

  1. Hope you turn your wonderful writing into a book .. one day :)