Saturday, December 6, 2014


There are millions of moments a person can experience that will change their life forever; I think the positive pregnancy test with Lyla was a big life changer for me.  No longer would I be caring for myself, but I would now be caring for another human being; which apparently started a few weeks before I even knew.  The next life changer was the moment Lyla was born, there was my responsibility, this person I created.  I grew this.  I made this.  This was a baby, my baby, and I changed from a 23 year old, carefree, responsibility-less woman, into a mother who like most would do ANYTHING to provide, protect, care and nourish my child.  No matter what.

But in that same moment all those dreams I had changed, just like that.  Of course the providing and protecting, etc. etc. was all going to be the same, but in that moment, and the following days, weeks, months and even years, I changed.  To be honest, I hardly even remember the person I used to be.  I don't know if that's a bad thing, or a good thing, or maybe my brain is now just mush I honestly struggle to remember that far back.  But I believe I've changed in good ways since having Lyla and learning of her disability; like I feel I am more "knowledgeable" in most things medical, I'm more patient and I'm stronger as a person.  However, I feel as though I'm a lot more boring than before, because lets be honest, my interest in all things medical doesn't keep a conversation going amongst friends who don't relate.
But I am now used to the newer me, the me that I've been for the last 3 years.  So sorry if I now bore you, but these kind of things can happen when you experience those significant life changes.

Another life changing moment happened more recently, specifically on Wednesday October 22nd, 2014.  You know when life starts to go pretty smoothly, you've made some plans, you've got a few events coming up you look forward to.  Life's pretty good.  You and your family are happy; myself, my husband, our daughter and our dog, just the 4 of us.

Then, there's that curveball life decides to throw you...
Yep, that life changing moment. 

You know that curveball was coming; you saw and ignored the signs, hoping if you played dumb it would bypass you.  Apparently life doesn't work like that.  I built up the courage to tell the innocent bystander, though he was to blame, he went into shock.  My mind went in to overdrive.  We didn't want another baby, well definitely not right now.  How was I going to keep up with all of Lyla's appointments?  How was I going to get around with 2 kids, one who was in a specialised pram?  How am I going to care for 2 babies, and yes BABIES, even though one of them is 3 years old, technically she is still like a baby.  Then the biggest mind f*ck... 
What if this baby is just like Lyla? 

It's been a number of weeks since we found out, it's also been a number of weeks since I wrote the above, the worry is still there, but it has definitely been overshadowed by excitement.  All of Lyla's doctors and specialists knew before our family and friends, because that's what happens when medical professionals know more about your personal life than most.  I've recently had my first antenatal appointment at the Women's and Children's Hospital, because it was felt I needed a more specialised care, because of Lyla, involving extra scans and a possible MRI.  However, I'm hoping for a transfer to my local and preferred hospital soon though, because I don't particularly want specialised care, I want normal care with normal midwives.

So I have no idea what the future holds, I do know it will be crazy, but I do believe this unplanned, unexpected, and scary news is most definitely a good thing for us all.

What ever will be, will be.

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